Grounding Techniques for Parents of Anxious Children
As parents, seeing our children struggle with anxiety can leave us feeling helpless. The good news is that there are practical, evidence-based strategies that can help your child manage anxious moments. Dr. Ed’s presentation on "Calm Under Pressure" highlighted several effective coping techniques that both you and your child can learn together.
Understanding When to Use Grounding Techniques
Grounding techniques are most helpful when your child is experiencing high emotional arousal - those moments when they're caught in what therapists call "Emotion Mind." During these times:
Their brain isn't processing information effectively
They feel emotionally overwhelmed
Logical thinking becomes difficult
These techniques work by bringing your child's attention back to the present moment and activating the body's natural calming systems.
TIPP Skills for Immediate Relief
When anxiety spikes to uncomfortable levels, the TIPP skills can help change your child's body chemistry quickly:
T - Temperature
Having your child cool their face can trigger the body's "dive response," which naturally slows heart rate and breathing:
Have them splash cold water on their face
Apply a cold pack or ziplock bag with ice water to their eyes and cheeks
For older children, they can hold their breath and put their face in a bowl of cold water for 30 seconds
Safety note: If your child has any heart or medical conditions, consult with your healthcare provider before using cold water techniques.
I - Intense Exercise
Physical activity helps burn off the excess energy that comes with anxiety:
10-15 minutes of jumping jacks, running, or dancing
Shooting hoops or playing a quick game of tag
Any activity that gets the heart pumping (but avoid overexertion)
P - Paced Breathing
Slow, deliberate breathing sends signals to the brain that it's safe to calm down:
Guide your child to breathe deeply from their abdomen
Aim for 5-7 breaths per minute (much slower than normal)
Have them breathe out more slowly than they breathe in (e.g., 4 seconds in, 6 seconds out)
Practice together for 1-2 minutes
P - Progressive Muscle Relaxation
This technique helps release physical tension stored in the body:
Guide your child to tense and then relax each muscle group, one at a time
Start with hands and move through the body to the feet
Tense each muscle for 5 seconds, then release
Help them notice the difference between tension and relaxation
The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise
This simple but powerful technique engages all five senses to bring your child back to the present moment. It's perfect for helping them "drop anchor" when anxiety threatens to sweep them away:
See: Ask your child to name 5 things they can see right now
Feel: Have them identify 4 things they can physically feel (e.g., "I feel my feet on the floor")
Hear: Guide them to listen for 3 different sounds
Smell: Ask them to notice 2 things they can smell (or name favorite smells if nothing is present)
Taste: Have them identify 1 thing they can taste (or name a favorite taste)
Begin and end this exercise with a deep belly breath.
Making These Skills Work for Your Family
Practice During Calm Times
Don't wait for an anxiety crisis to try these techniques. Regular practice during calm moments builds the mental pathways that make these skills more accessible during stressful times.
Model the Techniques Yourself
Children learn by watching. When you're feeling stressed, narrate your experience: "I'm feeling anxious about this deadline, so I'm going to take a minute to do some paced breathing."
Create Visual Reminders
Make a colorful poster of the 5-4-3-2-1 technique or the TIPP skills to hang in your child's room or a common area.
Adapt to Your Child's Age and Preferences
Younger children might need more playful versions of these techniques, while teens might prefer more mature approaches. Find what resonates with your child.
Remember: Connection is Your Superpower
As Dr. Roldan emphasized in his presentation, your calm presence is one of the most powerful tools for helping your anxious child. When using these techniques, approach them with acceptance and confidence:
Validate their feelings: "I see that you're feeling anxious, and that's okay."
Express confidence: "I know this is hard, and I also know you can handle it."
Stay present: Sometimes just sitting quietly beside them while they use these techniques provides immense comfort.
By teaching your child these grounding skills, you're providing them with tools they can use throughout their life to manage anxiety and build resilience. Remember that learning these skills takes time, and progress might be gradual. Celebrate the small victories along the way, and don't hesitate to seek professional support if your child's anxiety significantly impacts their daily functioning.
What other aspects of helping your anxious child would you like to learn more about?
